As the crude title suggests, I actually used video editing software for the very first time in my 24 years on this earth! This may seem small to some but for me this was a big achievement in a long line of things I'm hoping to accomplish at some point this year and beyond. A lot of things I wanted to do this year but I'm learning to be more realistic with my goals and accept that anything I achieve whether it be now or down the line is still a big thing. I'm only human and I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself. Albeit this post is public, for me it's more of a personal record of what I've done and how it made me feel (which is great when I'm on a downer and trying to chuck my life out of the window metaphorically). If anyone can gain some insight or this gives you a boost into finally doing something you've wanted to do but have been putting off then I'll be a million times happier and will feel like I've achieved so much more.

Okay, so what did I use exactly? Nothing special of course, the only thing I had to hand is Windows Movie Maker - an outdated version at that - but for me personally that seemed like an excellent (not to mention simple) place to start considering it was free and at my immediate disposal. However, my first try didn't run too smoothly and if I hadn't attempted it again then this blog post wouldn't exist and I would most likely still be in a complete funk thinking I'm stupid and I can't do anything. First lesson there, don't give up/if at first you don't succeed try and try again/insert other cliché sayings here. This first failing was completely down to a defect in my personality which means I don't read instructions or do my research first, I instead just blaze in balls to the wall and get everything completely wrong thus contributing to a self-fulfilling prophecy of "I can never do anything".

After a week of moping my stubborn side kicked in and assured me I wouldn't be defeated, so I calmly looked up some help videos, got to grips with the software and then I decided to film a practice video to edit. Filming was an experience and a hellishly awkward one at that. Now, I feel I'm a seasoned expert in the way of talking to myself (and my cat) but as soon as I was sat in front of a camera my anxiety took over, I struggled to make eye contact and my limbs were out of control with nerves. I have such respect for people who do YouTube as a job, as I know many suffer also with issues such as depression or anxiety and honestly I was quite shocked at myself that I was so affected. Nevertheless I powered through because the filming wasn't entirely important, I just needed something to edit. Baby steps and all that. But the experience in itself was significant, and as a person that albeit doesn't read instructions, does actually like to plan for things and craves being prepared for upcoming projects. It made me aware that if I do start to film and put videos on YouTube, I know for sure that I need to do it for myself and no one else, so that I can build my confidence, be able to do spontaneous and unscripted things and also have a good time and keep a record of those memories; without them being edited to perfection. If anyone happens to like what I do then so be it, I'd be just as happy. I believe you've always got to start with yourself and do things for you; know that it isn't a selfish way of behaving.

Is there anything you're looking to achieve this Summer/this year? 

Stay curious