Things have been a little quiet on the blogging and social media front from me over the past couple of weeks and unfortunately that's down to real life getting in the way. I'm proud that I've managed to fight through most things and find balance between blogging and my reality, posting weekly for a significant amount of time; things are now so overwhelming though that I have little headspace for blogging and engaging with others. Naturally I hate this, it's so frustrating to once again feel like I'm isolating myself but my anxiety has been through the roof lately and I am finding it hard to be around others. The good thing is that I know there's an end to it when I finish college this Summer, but it's still a long way off with plenty of obstacles in the way.

College is much busier now it's final year and time to do our research projects, but I'm also playing catch up on other pieces of work I'm behind on due to a shocking previous year full of health issues. Thankfully I've made some headway on that but it's an ongoing process, naturally because of this I'm busier than most of my classmates. Add in chronic fatigue, asthma, vitamin B12 deficiency and vitamin D deficiency, life is a lot more difficult to manage in finding the right balance. 

Because of this I've decided that I'm going to take any pressure off myself and go back to blogging when I have time/when I feel like it so as not to jeopardise my college work; I'm a classic case when it comes to finding ways of procrastinating. It's not ideal but like I say, by Summer I'm a free agent and I'll have much more time to get back on track and really take my hobby seriously because it brings me so much joy.

I hope you can understand and if there's anything else you'd like to know or chat about, hit me up in the comments below!

Stay curious

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* Header picture from stocksnap.io

I've got quite a busy and stressful time going on for me at current and I thought what better time to take a breather, dive into the past and make some reflections here in the present. I feel this piece I'm sharing is most fitting considering I find my education and low mood correlation history is repeating itself in an all too familiar way and I'm in a very similar place during my college diploma as I was in university.

As I said in earlier posts I would share my ramblings from about a year or so ago, to better understand where I am now. I won't change anything in them, even though I may want to. There are some things I don't want to be reminded of but I know its necessary. Also there may be some poor grammar and spelling but that's just what happens when you pour out words from your heart. I start from the beginning, the first time I really opened my eyes to the world and found how out of touch I was with everything.

Walking to university today, my reflection in the windows of the building seemed to be moving faster than me…who was this girl…should I try and catch up, or is my life running away from me, am I losing myself? Is this a projection of how out of touch I feel with myself, with reality, of how out of control I feel. It felt like falling, losing my grip on life’s blatant unfairness. She was getting away, this once wonderful me, there in full glory…grinning, or maybe it was teeth bared. She used to be ready to attack at any moment, poised for action against the world and now she was getting away; am I merely the shadow being left behind as the sun fades away? I don’t want to be, but it almost feels as if it's too late now, there’s too much to patch up, sew up, re-stitch, and would it all be worth it in the end? I don’t think I could ever be her again. That’s why I’m me now. Obviously she’s there somewhere…be it past or future, moving ahead of me, almost racing me, elation at my confusion as to who she was. This dazzling beast contrasted with the creature and her contorted face into an almost permanent frown. I do not want to be her. I want to chase the reflection, I want her to explain, to tell me everything will be okay. I want to understand. I want her to be me. Please.

Stay curious

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This probably isn't going to be the longest of posts because not too much has happened in a week or so, but I figured it's best to write any kind of update for my little memory bank than nothing at all. So here's how my week has been after my first ever dread wash!

In a style so true to myself, I was really cutting it short in terms of time, as I got my dreads installed with full knowledge that only a couple of weeks later I'd be spending a week at my boyfriends house, as well as attending a family wedding! Luckily for me everything went off without a hitch, my dreads felt glorious the whole time and I managed to tame them into a cute half-up sort of 'do' for the wedding; my boyfriend refers to it as 'elf hair' which is where I take a small chunk of hair from above each ear and pull to the back of my head, clipping both sides in the middle. If you're unsure what I mean just google elf hair and that pretty much nails it! The wedding was super fun, my hair stayed in place all night (a first for me!) and I felt really good, which is all I wanted above everything as it meant I could relax a bit and enjoy myself without worrying. 

Naturally as time goes on my dreads are getting messier and 'poofier' but that's to be expected, there's also a lot of loose hair poking out here and there which again is totally normal as hair doesn't automatically dread and stay that way, it's a process you've got to work through. I'm planning to book in some maintenance with the lady who did my dreads in the first place so that they can be tidied up and helped on their way to knotting up properly.

Before I got my dreads I made sure I had everything I would need already stocked up, one of the most important things being a crochet hook (I bought a 1mm & a 0.75mm hook) as this is a really useful tool for dreadlock maintenance. I had a go trying to use a crochet hook to tuck in some loose strands after watching a couple of YouTube tutorials, I managed to but I found it very fiddly and slow going, which resulted in my hands hurting quite quickly.

After the wash I found it quite funny that the hair at the roots of my dreads (which isn't fully dreaded as new hair is always growing) didn't go 'poofy' afterwards but instead became smooth 'normal' hair, quite a juxtaposition in comparison to my little noodles! After giving the roots a massage they've fuzzed up and started to re-dread by themselves, potential crisis averted.

Drama then hit the news with fears of 'superlice', as if normal lice weren't a bad enough threat with any hair, let alone dreadlocks. Naturally I wanted to protect myself against any chance of this happening and I managed to find a really cheap tea tree spray from Quality Save (that's made up of mainly essential oils & is cruelty-free) that I spritz on after washing so that it absorbs into my scalp,  I also use it just before heading out. It's great to give your hair a freshen and can also help to prevent dandruff!

I still absolutely adore my dreads and it's honestly so hard to find fault with them; they're giving more confidence than before and I feel much less nervous about them in public. A lot of people do still stare, do double-takes, children look and make remarks their parents, some people smile back at me...it's normal really because I've experienced this most of my life. It's just hair but many view it as something strange or unique. I suppose it is quite unique perhaps?

They even seem longer already to me and I know that's most likely because they're settling down rather than sticking up all over the place, either way it's a sign that normal progress is happening. Part of me wished I'd done a blonde ombré to the ends of my hair before dreading but I really didn't want to damage my hair after getting it back to good condition took such a long time, plus hair can't be dreaded if it's in poor condition. I do have to say though months on now writing this diary entry up, my previous hair colour (which I matched to my own) is actually washing out or lightening, and the ends of my hair are becoming blonde! 

After washing not much else changed, the dandruff reappeared so I just re-salted and shampoo'd my hair a week later, other than that there isn't much else to report. My friends and family are getting more used to them, many people (including strangers) compliment them or are interested in them and these little beansprouts on my head are already impacting my life in a positive way. I'm that bit more carefree and spontaneous, I've gotten so much free time back that I usually would have spent blow-drying and styling my hair every 2-3 days, which in turn has eased the strain of my fatigue somewhat. All in all I'm still very happy with what I consider my 'life-changing' decision!

I hope you're enjoying this series so far and if there's anything you want to know then just leave a comment below! 

Stay curious

Today I just wanted to do a little bit of a reflective and rambling post for myself looking back at what 2016 has taught me; I feel like for many people this hasn't been the best of years and that is certainly the case for me but within all that negativity are very positive lessons to carry forward. For those I am very thankful and I am under no illusion that 2017 isn't going to be magically better, but I'm going to work my hardest to make it so! So here's what I learnt in 2016...

Myself

This year I feel I've gone through an absolute tonne of self-discovery thanks to college and the people around me, the biggest focus being my health and issues surrounding that. In January I found out I had pernicious anaemia which I had to have regular B12 shots for every three months, since then I still felt no better and in August my shots were spaced only 6-8 weeks apart instead; it's helped a bit more but I'm still experiencing huge amounts of fatigue and pain. Later on in the year around March I found out I have severe asthma and now I have a steroid inhaler to use every day which so far is improving the quality of my lungs. Despite gaining some clarity on why I always felt so consistently rubbish (aside from having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) I still feel there's a lot more to work on and figure out because flare ups/pain/zombie brain aren't normal as far as I'm concerned. Another way my health became the most consistent feature of my year is due to a college workshop before the Summer, we learnt about the 'wounded healer' and how those in caring professions typically have their own wounds that lead them to care for others. For the next 2 days we were asked to choose and focus on one of our wounds, I chose my health thinking that was something I'd already boxed off and dealt with since suffering from the age of 11, I was wrong. I picked off this metaphorical scab and opened up the most gargantuan wound I could have imagined, it was a shock to me just how much my poor health subconsciously affected every area of my life and how I feel. I got angry, I cried buckets and at the core I couldn't figure out why until I came to the realisation that all of my complexes had resulted from losses, loss of health having the biggest impact which in turn lead to more losses: loss of independence, loss of social life, loss of education, loss of my identity, loss of confidence, loss of my childhood...the list goes on. I've spent the whole of my life since being 11 silently mourning and I spent the whole of Summer in quite a mess because of this until finally coming to the conclusion that I have always felt sub-standard since becoming chronically ill. Before that I could do everything, I was everyone's little star that my family were so proud of and all that went away when I became ill...I became distant, distrustful and lonely; I just felt like a burden to all of those around me, incapable of doing anything right or well and that's something I've carried forward over the years. I'm working on letting go of that and accepting that this illness is just as a part of me and not me as a whole, I won't let it define me and I'm done grieving.

So from this point on I've been trying to accept myself and my wounds, I've learnt to be more in the moment and not worry so much, to be spontaneous and enjoy each day regardless of how I'll feel the day after. I've found the utmost importance in being authentic and congruent and strive to surround myself with people the same, I've tapped into more of what I love and took action on that by going cruelty-free, working on being more eco-friendly and slowly changing my diet. I've found more direction in life and know my focus lies with alternate therapies and spirituality. I've learnt that I have empathic tendencies and I need to protect myself more from others energies and emotions because it's resulted in me becoming very drained. I've also learnt to stand up for myself, to not take crap, hypocrisy or blame from anyone, to not avoid confrontations (they don't always mean a screaming match) and most of all I've learnt to trust my gut instinct as it's never been wrong thus far especially when it comes to other people; if you're naturally wary and distrustful of someone else's energy, chances are that it is for a very good reason. I really feel I'm coming out of 2016 a much tougher person in myself without losing that tender part that strives to see good in others, even if my gut tells me it's not there.

Blogging

Starting up my blog again at the beginning of this year is hands down one of the best things I've done! Not only has this pushed me to be more creative, it's made me realise I can really do things I put my mind to and I'm still capable of learning new skills. Another great thing about blogging is that it threw me into the Twitter blogging communities and meeting so many lovely people has enriched my life and taught me that it's possible to trust again. I'm so thankful for everything blogging has given me.

Relationships

After finding some solutions to my health I started to become more sociable, I responded to messages promptly (the norm is usually a long wait because I forget or don't have the energy to formulate a reply), I sought out conversations, I arranged to do things and meet friends and then when Summer came along after the discovery of my issues with health this all took a backslide. I went back into myself in complete isolation, I was in a real slump but I came out of it the other side with people who still stuck by me, understanding where I was at and I'm so thankful to have the right kind of people close to me. My partner and I are also now closer than ever after naturally going through difficulty because of my low mood, I feel so blessed to have found such a kind, supportive and resilient soul who has stuck by me through thick & thin. I really couldn't be happier with the people in my life right now and although I don't have many, I'm all for quality over quantity!

Another big learning curve throughout this year has been by way of confrontation, there have been a lot of instances that I couldn't shy away from. I really hate confrontation, it makes me dreadfully uncomfortable but I've rose to the challenges this year in all areas of my life and have learnt that not everyone has to get along. Despite this, confrontations still fill me with sadness and guilt though I shouldn't feel guilty for speaking my mind as long as it's in a mature & intelligent way. It's not in my nature not to get along with people but it's also not in my nature to distrust my instincts and bottle up how I feel; I spent a long time in my life being a doormat and I refuse to be one now. Unfortunately confrontations are a part of life but it's not about the confrontation occurring, it's how you conduct yourself within them that shows what kind of person you are. I like to think I'm firm but fair, typically I'll give people 2nd/3rd chances, I try my best to observe and reflect back how someone comes across rather than make assumptions about their behaviour (a lot of the time there's often something else going on under the surface). But what I don't stand for is people projecting/transferring their own problems/insecurities/assumptions onto me; this is a product of my learning at college, that we all have to accept our own problems rather than dish out blame to others, you have to take responsibility for your whole self. I always feel like it's best to look inwards before turning outwards, if something offends you or hurts you it's often beneficial to ask yourself why that is having an effect on you before going out into the world making assumptions or attacking someone for something they might not have even done or been aware of. If a person isn't made aware of how they come across (whether they mean to or not) or at first given the benefit of the doubt then the kindest thing to do is let them know as honesty saves everyones time; how they react subsequently will also tell you a lot about who they are.

Naturally with each passing year some people will fall by the wayside, or won't become as big a part of your life as you would hope, I experience feelings of failure in not being able to secure new friendships but obviously they're just not meant to be, not everyone can click or understand each other enough to continue a relationship. On the other hand I've grown so much closer to one person in my life and would now class her as my best friend, and I haven't had a best friend since Primary School so that's a big deal for me! At the end of the day everyone is made up of chemicals, some react well with each other and some don't, it's all energy based and if two vibes don't match then that's just the way it is. You go your separate ways or if you have to see each other again then you're polite and civil; honesty is better than animosity. That's probably my biggest lesson of all in 2016, to actually use my voice without fear of the outcome. Whatever is meant to be, will be.

What's been your biggest lesson in 2016? I'd love to know!

Stay curious

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I've been a bit swamped lately and experienced a few setbacks in different areas of my life so naturally my blog has suffered a tad. I wanted to share another piece of reflective writing with you because I feel right now it's striking a chord with me and couldn't be more significant. It's amazing how sometimes you can come so far in life but still feel somewhat the same; there's human complexes for you.

"Feeling like my life is passing my by at the moment and I'm not sure what the catalyst for this feeling is. Everyone seems to know where they're going and have accomplished all they wanted by this age and I'm here feeling like I'm being left by the wayside. Why haven't I done more? Realised who I want to be, what I want to do? Even simple things like what do I like or dislike? I feel like I'm forgetting...maybe I never even knew. I'm completely clueless as to the purpose of my existence at this present time and it encapsulates me in worthlessness, shrouds me in fear and dread, sends ice down my spine and wakes me up in the night. I want to be happy, I am happy I guess...just not in the way I wanted. I thought I'd be further along now, I'm running and I can't keep up; I've gone back to my feelings from over a year ago where there's two of me and my reflection seems to be running quicker, she seems like a different person. I must post those ramblings so you can better understand. I don't feel refined or self-assured like other people. I'm constantly wondering what's wrong with me, questioning why I don't fit in, what makes me like this. Depression is just a mere side matter. This is in my head, purely insanity. The frenzy inside my mind, so paranoid and yet so curious. It's not a nice place to be. I'll battle on like I always do, naturally, but I can't shake this feeling yet. Strangely nor do I want to. I want to know myself, I want to figure life out. I won't stop."

Hey cats!

Here's the next instalment of my Dread Diaries and how I found my first two weeks, up until the point of washing...

First Day Thoughts 

• The length is a shock after having longer hair but I like it & I'm happy to have shorter hair again 
• Being sideshow bob is annoying as hell and isn't my most attractive look 
• But they were comfy to sleep on; felt just like my normal hair which surprised me! 
• I forget they're there unless I pass a mirror, for some reason my hair feels weightless at the moment 
• Slightly worried about upkeep, doing everything right & the general responsibility, the thought is a little overwhelming 
• Brain is panicking over the change and commitment, one of my most common fears 
• I need to cut my fringe 
• Switching between love and hate, wondering what I've gotten myself into 
• Almost missing my old hair & only remembering the good stuff not the fact I have hated my hair for about 10 years 
• Not washing them for 2 weeks is going to suck 
• This is going to test my patience, I can't wait for them to settle

So now that I've gotten a few days under my belt my hair has settled a lot more (I love it) and so have I; I've even had quite a lot of compliments on it both from people I know - my boyfriend likes it and thinks it suits me - and complete strangers. I do feel quite paranoid at the moment being out as I get stared at A LOT which makes me anxious and uncomfortable but it's another personal hurdle that I think this hair can help me to overcome, I'm tired of being judged and shouldn't give a hoot what others think. As much as it shames me to say this I've been surprised at how accepting a lot of people have been with it considering it's not all that common a hairstyle, what's even more surprising is that many people don't always click on that it's my real hair that's dreaded! Now I'm on day 6 of no washing and it's itchy, warm & irritating but that's to be expected and I won't give in.

We're well into the second week now and I've adjusted very quickly, so much so that I'm astounded at myself with how much more comfortable I am being out & about however I have always been with someone and haven't yet ventured out alone. I forget that my hair isn't the 'norm' until I clock people staring at me! What helps is that I've been complimented whilst out and told it suits me, one person even came up to me and struck up a conversation about it which was so humbling and my anxiety took a back seat which was refreshing. I've not yet had any negative comments or heckles, most it's ever been is a few funny looks.

Holy hell I just want to wash my hair though, my head feels constantly sweaty and I'm even fantasising about standing in the shower as well as having dreams about washing my hair! What's stopping me is the fear of washing it wrongly/washing the dreads out, I'm excited but terrified for the day I can wash my hair again. I have a tonne of dandruff, which is to be expected but residue-free, anti-dandruff shampoo has been bought (CF of course) and is ready to get at me. I have to say the best thing so far is that I'm not longer fearful of the weathers effect on my hair, come at me wind and rain, you can't hurt me now! 

Summing up I'd say you definitely require determination and an amount of stubbornness for having dreads, of which I have endless supplies. Naturally a few loose hairs have made an appearance and I've been looking up how to do maintenance myself but I'm not incredibly confident or skilled with it so I'm booking myself in with Laurelle down the line to get it done properly! I love my little dread babies, I feel like I've got such a change going on in my life right now that stems way further than my fuzzy noodle head and I welcome it; my dreadies are settling more each day and yes they'll stick up after I've worn headphones or slept but it just makes me laugh, I feel like each dread has it's own personality and way of locking up. They're my lil beansprout babies, I adore them and can't wait to watch them grow and develop, I'm so happy with my choice and I feel like I've really put myself first for the first time in my life.

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*Original header image before text: DTTSP

Hey cats!

I was welcomed by the lovely lady doing my dreads (Laurelle) just outside of where she lived and I was taken to her awesome recently converted house van! It was so unique and surprisingly roomy, her fella was also there and was just as welcoming & pleasant as Laurelle; there was me instantly at ease! They also have two very friendly, adorable doggies and I was happy to have them around but if you're not keen on dogs Laurelle is happy to keep them in another room as long as you let her know in advance. I took some lunch, snacks, plenty of water and on Laurelle's recommendation a book too (I've read this book before and would highly recommend it if you want to read something a bit different), turns out I didn't end up needing the book after all but it was a sweltering day so I was glad of the water.

She has a huge chesterfield sofa for clients which was comfortable from beginning to end; we got started at 12 and the process took about 8 hours in total with a few toilet/food breaks thrown in. In the meantime we watched a lot of Netflix (Community & OITNB) chatted away and of course as it was a long day there was inevitable silence but it was more than comfortable. 

As far as the actual process of dreading itself I couldn't see what was going on and there are many different ways to install dreads. From what I could tell there was sectioning off into a 'brickwork' pattern, a lot of backcombing, twisting, rolling and the use of a crochet needle to loop and hook the hair into itself. As stated on her website "I have been working with dreads and alternative hair for over 8 years and have developed my own technique using crochet hooks and felting needles - NO WAX, LATEX, GLUE or any other quick-fixes that make your hair temporarily neat but cause long term damage to the development and maturation of your dreads. I have large amounts of experience & understanding about how hair tangles & what can be done to facilitate the process without causing damage down the road" She also will refuse to start dreadlocks on hair that she thinks isn't healthy enough to support them which I think is really professional. I also felt at ease reading through her website and seeing that she has her own way of dreading because to me that gives the impression of real knowledge, skill and passion for her trade. 

Throughout the day Laurelle always made sure to check in with how I was feeling and said to let her know if I was getting head sore at all. Quite honestly I didn't feel that way even once, she was super gentle and I'm one of those people that's always loved having their hair being played with, I'm surprised I didn't nod off! It was a long and draining day but also very enjoyable and totally worth it; when we were done she told me all about how to maintain my new dreadies as she encourages clients to learn but she also offers dread maintenance for those who need it.

Unfortunately I didn't have to the foresight to get before and after pictures but my hair went from around armpit length (this measurement makes the most sense to me for some reason) to shoulder length as you can see. My ends were really thin anyway so I don't really feel like I lost a lot of length plus when I did have shorter hair I really enjoyed it so I was pretty over the moon! Laurelle also said it was a pretty good length at which to start dreadlocks and let them grow in. Although my hair is fine there's quite a lot of it which made it a tad more difficult to dread than expected but I also ended up with about 48 dreads in my hair and the average is around 35-45 depending on your hair type, head size and preference. I went for thinner style dreads to suit my size & hair type, they'll also shrink as they mature.

For the next week or so I can expect 'Sideshow Bob' style hair until my dreads start to settle and it's best you leave them loose to do their own thing in this time. As for the my immediate future with my new dread babies, I'm not allowed to wash them for two weeks so that they can settle (plus if you washed them straight away they would most likely just fall out) and then it is recommended that you wash them in salt water at first in order to help the knotting process. I've been told to palm roll them about once a week - which is taking each dread and rolling it back & forth like making a play doh sausage - to keep them in shape and also to look out for any matting between dreads; they have a tendency to try and 'eat' each other so I have to pull them apart regularly in order to keep them separate. Apparently the first 6 or so weeks can be the messiest ever as well as the first 6 months but after that they start to take care of themselves and settle properly. 

Overall I was really happy with my experience and albeit a little daunted by the responsibility to start with I was looking forward to a new life & a new journey. If you're considering dreads I would highly recommend Laurelle, she's fantastic and really knows her stuff! 

Needle & Dread Website / Facebook Page

I'd absolutely adore hearing what you think about this process, is it what you expected?

Stay curious

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I've been toying around with the idea of sharing reflective and creative writing that I used do whilst in my uni free periods (back in 2009-2012) because it's something that helped me through a really tough time, also regrettably it's not something I've found myself particularly capable of now. Back then I was a very angry person struggling to come to terms with having depression and in a sense I'm glad I can't write anymore because surely that means I've developed as a person. But also I can't put pen to paper now because I get RSI flare-ups, I get too stressed out/panicky and I'm too forgetful to get everything written down therefore the process does more damage than good. So sharing what I wrote then can be my way to remember how I used to release my tension and also to remind myself that I've overcome so much; I'm giving myself some credit for getting this far in my constant battle with mental and physical illness and I'm proud.

I like to write, writing for me is cathartic. My own form of meditation. Somehow I always end up analysing myself when I write though. Periods of self reflection that seem to be happening evermore often these days, yet is it really me that requires it? Surely I am surrounded by people who need it more. Who need to take a good hard, long look at themselves and be shocked by the monster they are surprised to find glaring back.

Life is unfair. Claustrophobic. Chaos. If it weren’t then I’m sure it wouldn’t be life at all. Something would be very wrong, cosmically unbalanced. Just mere existence. Not that misfortune and suffering is anywhere near fun, but I guess at least it's far from boring. That’s as far as my optimism stretches. 

Here I am, wondering why when I write ‘far’ my effs are much bigger than in other words I use them. Then again, handwriting never used to be my strong point. It sometimes still slips into illegible scrawl. Especially when my thoughts race. And my hand can’t write fast enough to make sure I get every bit down that I wanted, or else face being left with snippets of random thoughts floating through my head. The feeling of dread at not remembering what I wanted to write down a few seconds ago. Should my feelings be this extreme? Is my memory really that terrible? Or have all these years of willing myself to get up each morning no matter what awfulness lies ahead, trained my mind to automatically forget?

How I love that time flies when I am distracted. An easy feat. Anything, and I’ll have boarded a completely different train of thought, chugging or hurtling its way to a different destination. Like catching the glare of a magpie with the smallest glint of something even remotely shiny. The promise of potential enjoyment from the shimmer in the distance, or maybe disappointment looms at the conclusion you might reach. A smudge on the horizon. A missed opportunity. Take the risk? Play it safe? At least with one of them I might find an answer and there’s only one option left for me. No one got anywhere by pussy footing around. Especially not when happiness is at stake. And not just mine. So I shall fight against the monsters, in my own mirror and in others too. 

How do you like to let go of your anxieties? I'd love to know other techniques!

Stay curious

Hey cats!

Welcome to my newest running set of blog posts! I'm embarking on what most describe as a spiritual and character building journey that comes with getting your hair dreadlocked. My aim is to document each part of the process from beginning to end, logging everything I can about how I feel, what I'm experiencing and so on. These will be personal posts for me to look back on but if you're curious about dreads or are even thinking of getting them for yourself then I hope this 'series' can be helpful in some way!

I've liked the look of dreadlocks for around 5 years now and about a year or so ago, I actually had synthetic dread extensions braided into my hair on and off for 5 months to get a feel for them/see if they suited. I absolutely LOVED them and it was such a wonderful experience! Don't get me wrong they itched like mad at first and were shockingly heavy to start with but everything else was an easy ride. From this point on I decided I was going to grow my hair to a decent length, get back to my natural colour and achieve healthy hair so that I could finally commit to real dreadlocks with my own hair.

Here's a breakdown of why else I want dreads:

BUT I am aware that the settling in process does require lots of effort and attention, however I think the pay off will be beyond worth it.

So it's the night before and I'm a jumble of different emotions, all exacerbated by the fact my depression decided it would like to up the ante for today and make me feel lost, scared and alone for no apparent reason; fabulous.

However I'm prepared, I've waited for this for so long and I'm beyond excited. I've done all the research I can, I feel I know everything that I need to for now and I'm content with the choice I'm about to make. It's funny how being aware of a permanent change can affect the way you feel about something; this past week I've enjoyed my hair and been happy with it, I get little fuzzy butterflies looking at it and knowing it won't be this way again. I suppose it's a loss in a sense and albeit my hair has never satisfied me, it's still mine and I'll be a tad upset to see it go. There's also that worry of me getting bored easily & dreads are far from easy to reverse. But like I said, I'm happy in my decision, I think it's the right one for me and the loss I'm feeling will be far outweighed by the gain of my 'new' hair and the positive (hopefully!) impact it will have on my life & mindset.

How do you feel about dreadlocks? I'd be curious to know considering the recent focus on all things cultural appropriation!

Stay curious

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I like to think that I'm quite an open person but I feel that social media like Instagram and Twitter can sometimes give quite a narrow view of what a person is really like; I wanted to do this tag so people can see a bit more of how open I like to be & after putting a poll on Twitter people said they wanted to see this so I hope I can give you more of an insight!

Victoria

What is your favourite colour?

Who was your first best friend?

How tall are you?

Cats or dogs?

Funniest moment throughout school?

How many countries have you visited?

Are you in/gone to college?

What was your favourite/worst subject in High School?

What is your favourite drink?

What is your favourite animal?

What is your favourite perfume?

Tea or Coffee?

What would you (or have you) name your children?

What sports do you play/have you played?

What is your favourite book?

Who are some of your favourite YouTubers?

What is your favourite movie?

Are you Single or Taken?

What's your idea of an ideal first date?

How many girlfriends/boyfriends have you had?

Favourite memory from childhood?

Do you speak any different languages and how well?

Do you have any siblings?

How would you describe your fashion sense?

What is your favourite restaurant?

What are some of your favourite tv shows?

PC or Mac?

What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?)

Tell us one of your bad habits!